Wednesday, October 13th, 2004
I have a great deal of compassion for anyone that spends long hours stuck in traffic during their daily commute to work. It only takes me about seven minutes to go from my front door to my desk, but it’s often seven minutes of hellish road rage. I’ve accepted the possibility that Austin might simply attract bad drivers, but it’s an epidemic.
The bad news is that these idiots are multiplying. It may seem like a slow creep now, but the idiots are having more kids than the non-idiots, and they’re taking over. I see them at the grocery store, and at the gas station, when I leave work, and again when I wake up. It’s way scarier than seeing a few dead people.
It might seem reasonable to expect that a guy could run to Whataburger and back during halftime of the Oklahoma-Texas game, but not in this town. The idiots can make routine trips take twice as long and be twice the hassle. During what should have been a twenty minute burger run, I fell victim to at least four of the Ten Stupid Things Idiot Drivers Do In Austin.
I’m providing the full list for posterity. Feel free to add your own items.
Ten Stupid Things Idiot Drivers Do In Austin
- They refuse to turn right at a red light.
- They speed ahead of you to get in the right (turn) lane at a stop light in order to be first in line, even though they aren’t turning and you are.
- They don’t realize when the highway merge lane is their OWN LANE.
- They pump the brake pedal repeatedly when there isn’t anybody within a half mile of their vehicle.
- They pass you on the highway, move in front of you, and then slow way down.
- They go the exact same speed as the guy next to them on a two lane highway.
- They slam on their brakes the minute the light turns greenish-yellow.
- They change lanes because you were behind them even though you’re already in the other lane trying to pass them.
- They drive down the shoulder of the road to get ahead of traffic and then wedge into the smallest opening available. (Okay, I’ve done that before, but only in protest.)
- They use their car as a weapon, but speed away at the next stop light when you start to get out of your car in order to beat the hell out of them.
I would love to put “freakin’ laser beams” on the front of my Corolla to protect myself from the driving population, but alas, it just isn’t cost-effective nor is it legal (in most States).
Couldn’t you make the argument that living somewhere that requires a long commute to work is in itself idiotic? I can’t imagine spending so much of my day in a car.
Move somewhere where you can walk or bike to work, no need to even have a car then, I did this and don’t have a car cause I can’t drive. Then when they make you redundant 18 months later, you don’t even have to leave the house most days.
I’m not bitter.
Kartooner: Yes, laser beams would me most effective. Insert maniacal laugh here.
Clay: I suppose I could make that argument, but I can see why people would want to take advantage of working in the city and living in the country, or in a smaller town. Of course, considering the time, stress, and high price of gasoline, I’m not sure it’s worth it even then.
Del: That would be convenient, but I’d probably still want a car even if I didn’t need one. I’ll trade in the insurance payment though. Haha…I’m glad you’re not bitter. That makes one of us.
I don’t have a car here in Boston. I sold mine before moving here. There’s a nifty little service called Zipcar that provides rental cars that are scattered around the city. Want a car? Book a zipcar for the day, and then walk 2 blocks to pick it up. No insurance. No gas money. More exercise. No sweet muscle car to pimp up and cruise the street in with my spreewells.
Zipcar sounds pretty cool, and if I lived in downtown Austin, that would be a great idea. They might even have something like that already. It would be really cool to live in a city where you could walk everywhere. Unfortunately Austin is really spread out (about 252 square miles), and I live in the Northwest part of town where it would be tough to get by without owning a vehicle. I’ll sell everything once my application for that Real World firehouse is approved.
Haha…I’m clueless. I had to look up spreewells.
One question: I’ve traveled all over Texas, and I’d like to know why Austin is the only city that doesn’t have the “Yield to Ramp” signs at freeway exit ramps? It would make that exit and dodge for the far right lane so much less dangerous. With all the Republicans running around the capital grounds, you’d think they’d make this a priority to help assist in all those right turns!
That is a good question, and I think about that every time we nearly get killed trying to hit the Cheddar’s entrance from I-35. The Republicans are too busy rigging district lines to worry about real problems.
All these posts and this is the one you comment on? Haha…where have you been?
kartooner: I’ve been contemplating plans for that for years now. It’d be like machine gun on hummer meets go go gadget car lazer.
Hey, Greg, read through this and when you get to the last sentence, tell me how proud you are of your great State of Texas:
http://tinyurl.com/684hf
hehe.
Well, I’m certainly not shocked. I think they might have quoted my grandma.
Hey, check out this research study. Looks like people who sit in traffic are more likely to suffer a heart attack within the hour:
http://tinyurl.com/4d3jb
That story seems to be making the rounds. The local news covered it last night.
They interviewed some guy out on the interstate that said he didn’t believe it because he’d never had a heart attack. In other news, it turns out stupidity is a disease.
Hi Greg! Love your website. In regard to Austin traffic, I consider myself a liberal and only make left-hand turns. :)
o.k., this is months later, but I do have two comments about the people who won’t turn right on red. (I agreed with much of the rest.) I usually turn right on red, but there are a few exceptions. Sometimes there is a sign that says, “No Right on Red”, and it’s usually there for a good reason (limited visibility, heavy pedestrian traffic, etc.) Another place that has limited visibility is the corner of Robert E. Lee and Barton Springs. I’m a little short person in a relatively small car. When I am at that corner, I can’t see the traffic comming from the left due to the bridge, and the big cars in the left turn lane beside me. (and it is hard to see pedestrians approaching from the right, due to the cliff, so it’s not a good idea to inch out into traffic there.) The behemoth SUV’s who are behind me can see the oncoming traffic — because their vehicles are larger and the road is actually elevated somewhat compared to where my car is.
To summarize, if I can see the traffic and pedestrians clearly, sure I’ll turn right on red (or left on red when allowed) — if not, I’m going to wait for the light. Sorry for the inconvenience, lol!
Thanks for the comment Lily, even if “months later”. I can certainly understand your reluctance to turn right when you can’t see oncoming traffic.
I was hit by a large truck in ‘95 just after making a turn, so I’m a bit overly cautious myself.
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